Raising a family is challenging, no matter the circumstances. All children are unique and have their own specific needs. As parents, we want to provide a great life, lots of love and a nurturing environment for them while still accomplishing goals and moving forward in our careers. This can be especially challenging when one or both of the parents are working at a distance for extended periods of time.
This can be military families, healthcare workers or parents with odd work schedules or shift work. Children can have a difficult time with these situations and it takes being proactive to make sure that you nurture these precious relationships. This way, your children can understand the situation (as much as they can) and still feel loved and appreciated while you are away.
While the term separation anxiety may have parents in a state of concern, it is a normal stage of development for children. Separation anxiety is when children feel an excessive amount of concern about their parents being away. Most children grow out of separation anxiety as they reach the age of three but it can persist later, particularly if a parent is away for long stretches of time. If your work schedule takes you away from your family, there are tips and techniques that you can use to help your children work through their separation anxiety.
For a child, missing your parents is normal. Whether they miss their father and his hugs or their mother and their special mommy/daughter or mommy/son activities, comforting a child that misses their parent is going to be a skill you develop. Thankfully, there is a long line of parents that have gone before you and have developed tactics to help comfort a child that wants to be near to one of their parents.
Thank goodness for the internet! There are more and more ways of staying connected to your children, regardless of the distance between you. Where you once had to write a letter that may take weeks to reach them, you can now speak to and see your children in real-time as long as you have access to the internet or a phone line.
As any parent or grandparent who grew up without the ability to video chat can tell you, this is a priceless gift. Use it to your advantage! Make time to video chat as much as possible and if it is an option, making a routine out of calling creates a schedule that your kids can become accustomed to (and be excited about).
For older kids that can read or understand jokes and humor, memes and pictures are a great way to connect with your kids over the internet.
As a parent, you can draw pictures and send them to your kids via email, as well as write them letters or nighttime stories that your spouse can read to them. Voicemails are another great way for your kids to be able to hear your voice and remember you.
Cali’s Books has an amazing product that gives parents a unique way of becoming a part of their daily routines. Recordable books allow you to record your voice, for up to 45 seconds on each page and for up to 15 pages. How does this help your child?
Children need to understand that the absent parent is gone for a reason and not simply missing. You can do that by explaining that the other parent is working and is providing for their family by helping people while they are away.
Kids love to turn their energy into fun and productive activities. Making crafts, gifts and books for returning parents gives kids a creative outlet as well as gives them an exciting project to give the returning parent when they arrive home. What kind of crafts or projects?
As kids miss their parents, promoting positive thinking is a great way to get them to see the bright side of things. Remember, this won’t always work because sometimes kids are sad or upset and need to express those feelings. However, there are good tools that can help them cope when they are missing their parents. How can they do this?
Making the return of the parent a big event helps give kids a productive way to channel their feelings. While they may not have a very accurate sense of time, they know if their parents have been gone for a long stretch. They also know when their return is coming near and creating a big event out of that return is a fun activity that helps them cope with their feelings. How can you make it a big event?
Even as adults we have a hard time dealing with feelings of missing loved ones. Being equipped with all the techniques and tools to help your child doesn’t mean that they won’t ever feel sad or miss their parents. Patience is required when helping children through separation anxiety. How can you help your kids through this?
Not all situations can be handled alone. There is no shame in reaching out to a therapist or counselor when it comes to your children. Not all people may need to seek professional help but it is always an option if the other tools and techniques do not help your children deal with missing their parents.
Sometimes the best cure for separation anxiety is lots of hugs or a conversation on the phone. Other times it may be creating artwork for the returning parent. Regardless of the solution, it takes understanding, patience and creativity on your part as a parent to help your children when they are missing their other parent. Remember to love your kids and give them the tools to continue to be happy and stay connected with a parent if they are away for a period of time. Both parents and kids will be more fulfilled and content because of it!
“I’ve loved books since childhood and wanted to transmit this enthusiasm to my children”
I'm a mom of two young children who trained as an engineer and worked in investment banking and at Disney. A French of Caribbean origin (Martinique to be precise!), I grew up in Paris. Los Angeles is now the place I call home!
